If I look into my head these days, more than 10% of my thoughts are about my relationship with my parents. I've been thinking about my relationship with my parents in the past, but this time in a different way. I was able to become financially independent from my parents early, but I wondered when I would become mentally independent. I have dreamed of spiritual independence since my early 20s.
As I was living with these thoughts, I suddenly found out. There is no set age for mental independence.
Even at the age of 50 or 60, there are many people who cannot become mentally independent from their parents.
I asked myself why I need mental independence from my parents and what is spiritual independence. The mental independence I think of is 'not being influenced by the way of thinking of my parents' and 'not being influenced by my emotions'. As we age, we spend more time with other people than with our parents. In doing so, we learn that there are other worlds in addition to the values, thoughts and habits that we receive from our parents.
After a period of being influenced by others, when a certain moment comes, the self begins to harden with one's own thoughts and values. It seems to be able to judge. The impact I want to have and the impact I don't.
To be honest, I don't want any influence from my parents right now. But it was stressful for me to be constantly being affected. So I'm keeping my physical distance, and I know it's not the best option, but I also know that it's the best option from my life experience. Physical distancing doesn't mean that I don't think of them at all.
Several times a day, I think of things that were influenced by my parents and I dig in my head.
The problem is that many of those thoughts are negative. I no longer want to be negatively influenced by anyone, including myself, and if it were someone else, I would choose to break the ties so that it would not affect me, but it is not easy because of the parent-child relationship. That's why many people cannot get out of that ring, so maybe they just wear masks and live their lives.
From the point of view of the children, I want to be completely independent from their parents, but from the point of view of the parents, I also want them to be independent from their children. There are probably a lot of parents who are possessive of their children and look on them emotionally. We all need each other's independence for our own true freedom.
How difficult is it to live with each other, not to be too dependent on each other, not to hurt and to respect each other.
In the end, only when an individual is happy and relaxed are free from the close parent-child relationship.
I hope we can all find a little more peace of mind and space. In particular, I hope that our parents will heal the wounds from the past and love themselves.
My thoughts now may change someday. Because everything changes except for the word 'change'.
Comentarios